


Oath to the Chasm

by FlaminiaK



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Epic Bromance, Original Character(s), Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Avengers (2012), Pre-Thor: The Dark World, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-11 13:32:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15316566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlaminiaK/pseuds/FlaminiaK
Summary: After being punished for his wrong-doings on Midgard, Loki starts to have nightmares in his cell's bed.They're not caused by the months of torture endured at the hands of Chitauri -not all, at least.Creatures from other unspoken dimensions calls his name and Loki can't stop fearing them for unknown motives that swims in his mind.The Mind Stone opened doors that should have never be opened, in Loki’s head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, writing something about a fandom that I always loved but never wrote about!  
> I'll mix in this a lot of strange things and norse mythology (?) and meanwhile I hope I portray each character well!  
> I'll base this a little on the first two movies (and some things from The Dark World) but otherwise I'll change and shuffle canon things A LOT since I can't remember exactly everything XD  
> Expect a lot of angst, some brotherly fluff not an inch of smut...or maybe not, I'm still deciding!  
> Enjoy the read~!

> _“FOR THIS IS MY OATH!”_

Gasps and pained wails fluttered in the thick, humid air, while a lean body jerked on the mattress from time to time.

> _Screams of metal against metal. Deafening rumble. Harsh winds clawing at what remained of his torn armor.  
>  _ _Nothing of that mattered._

Long-fingered hands clasped at the simple cotton sheets that covered his now sweaty body, his pale face scrunched up in agony.

> _Kneeling in the very eye of a tornado, he was grasping at something warm and soft._  
>  It was really important, so much grand than his own life _but he couldn’t see it in the dust twirling around him_ _._  
>  _“DO YOU HEAR ME YOU FOUL BEAST??” he **felt** his own voice shout.  
>  _ _“I’LL GET MY AVENGMENT!!” he pressured, his throat hurting.  
>  _ _Like the rest of his body._

He whimpered, his teeth creaking against each other as he gritted them.

Dark locks plastered on the back of his damp nape shifted on the pillow, shallow breaths pumping in the lungs.

A soft, golden light was diffused by two of the four walls of the confinement, but the slow clock-clock of boots on the pavement outside signed the presence of someone.

> _Dark tendrils, as thick as thread, poked and prodded at his quivering figure. He felt them seep through his skin and deep inside his body._  
>  _His hands grasped more at what was a familiar, tattered red cape, wheezing in the mere tentative to protect the limp form at his knees.  
>  _ _The creature standing in front of him didn’t spoke, its expressionless face watching with eyes made of space and stars.  
>  _ _Black and cold, bottomless and hungry._

A tall form walked inside the cell room, slow footsteps and a hunched figure, demonstrating concern for the young man thrashing in the bed.  
The silhouette wasn’t alone, accompanied by two armed guards. “Loki?” the stranger hushed, trying to wake up his brother.

> _He screamed again, in the agony of those impalpable coils.  
>  _ _The pain was even too powerful to describe in words: like drowning, suffocating while the insides for his body thrashed in convulsions.  
>  Like a common vegetable being carved hollow with a blunt tool. “IN THIS— LIFE! OR– ANOTHER–” his voice choked in the blood bubbling up his throat._

The wail that came out of his throat was raspy, a death-like rattle and as soon as a warm hand shook gently his shoulder, the man bolted up. His hand swatted out of instinct in the air, sending the person near his bed flying across the room.

The magical explosion was noiseless, but for sure the body hitting the wall wasn’t, not with the loud thud accompanied by the sharp intake of air coming from the guards.

Magic frizzled in the air around the raven-haired, his gaze large and zapping around to decipher where he was, without even realizing his whole body was shaking.

Then, when he noticed the groan from the floor, his brain clicked. “Oh Norns…!” his voice croaked unsteady, shifting the covers aside to walk towards the dark form.

The person lying on the ground grunted and immediately the two guards moved swiftly, one going to the prone stranger while the second rose his weapon.

Loki _knew_ what was happening, even through the haze he was still swimming inside his head. “Oh no, no no no… I-I’m sorry… I—!” he tried to speak, retreating on the bed.

The guard marching towards him hissed at his words. “You’ll regret attacking our Prince, you vile criminal!” the man growled, brandishing a golden halberd.

Loki stumbled back, luckily ducking under the swinging blade, rolling on one side then the other in the sheer try to not being cleaved in two clean halves. “I got startled! It wasn’t my fault, you fool!!” Loki squeaked as he arched his hips back to dodge an horizontal blow.

He searched for a way out, as he backed away from that strangely born situation, but he had to double-check as his eyes, suddenly, locked with a long, dark form at the other corner of the little room.

Loki’s heart slowed down like a dying clock, his vibrant green eyes widening: he was looking into three deep irises made out of galaxies, nestled into a skull draped with translucent, black skin.

Its face was completely flat, without a protruding nose nor the skinniest of lips. It was even devoid of ears, only holes were where they should be.

The top of the head was slightly oblong and completely hairless, like an egg enveloped in a dark, thin material.

The white of the bone was peeking through its muscles like nebulous clouds, its armless chest crooked on one side while its long, feetless legs kept it balanced upright like a ballerina.

Dread sank into his stomach as he noticed its head leaning on one side, then another.

It was _studying_ him… the sharp and hollowing gaze of the three eyes reaching for every fiber of his being.

Magic balled in Loki’s palms in green-golden flames: Loki felt his very soul thrash and scream while his muscles trembled, sudden panic gripping at his heart.

But he never saw such a creature, he didn’t understand why he started to fear for his life and his soul alike.

Without warning, the strange alien form walked towards him.

Long and slow strides of its slender legs, its spine slightly arched. Its movements were slick, but it was skipping through space like teleporting every few feet. Its naked teeth opening and closing as if it was gnawing at something invisible.

_Clack._

_Cla-clack._

Human-like fangs biting the air as if they were chattering, eyes still focused on Loki’s jasper-colored irises.

The guards disappeared from Loki’s field of vision, his senses too busy rejecting the figure now approaching more and more.

Its steps didn’t make a sound, but Loki could imagine those pointy… hooves? stumps? create fleshy thuds on the pavement.

Slowly, the creature stopped directly in front of him and watched down on him with the black holes that were its pupils, teeth still and closed.

“ _You need to stay away from them._ ” whispers crowded Loki’s mind. “ _Don’t touch them. Never touch them. Don’t–_ ”.

> _L A U F E Y S O N_

A single chant echoed in his ears, a voice so sibylline and cold Loki felt ice form in his stomach.

The alien bowed down, aligning its face with Loki’s and the raven could hear its breath coming in raspy suckling of air.

> _Y O U E S C A P E D. N O M O R E._

Loki felt needles prick at his nape and he stumbled back, leaving out a frightened shout while sending both balls of green fire towards the black figure. His magic passed right through its smoke-like body and collided with the magical barrier on the other side of the room.

Loki blinked a couple of time, pressing his back against the solid pillar that built one of the corners of the cell, his lungs inflating and deflating quickly, faintly. The thing was an illusion?

Like wanting to confirm the raven’s thoughts, the alien form evaporated in swirls of gray clouds.

Loki wasn’t accustomed to feel such strong despair… and now his eyes were looking around in frenzy, searching for that long, dark body like a child that thought there was a monster in the closet. “I said halt!” a voice boomed from near his scrawny bed, making Loki jump in surprise and fear.

Turning, he saw his brother on his feet, solid and unmovable while the guards were at an arm’s length from Loki’s body.

They were ready to snatch him or worse, attack him again. “You can leave us.” added Thor, his eyes focused on Loki’s now hunched body.

The two guards seemed reluctant to get out of the cell, after what happened. “But… my Prince, he attacked you–” one tried to speak, but a scowl from the Crown Prince made them both bow their heads and walked out with a meek “Yes, my Prince.”.

Their eyes were fixed on Loki, thinking he would try to escape as soon as they opened the barrier to get out… it didn’t happen.

It was plain as the sun in the sky, the raven Prince couldn’t even notice them exiting. He was too busy crumbling against the pillar, his hands shaking uncontrollably and every nerve of his body in fight-or-flight mode.

His viridian eyes were focusing on some hollow space in the thin air between himself and a fallen apple some feet away from him.

What in the Nine Realms was that thing? He could feel like a fluttering caress in the back of his mind thinking about it, like he already saw it somewhere but never pinpointing where or when.

It was an awful feeling, being in total loss of control of both his surroundings and his own mind. “Brother.” then Thor called, walking slowly towards the younger.

Loki snapped his head back to watch Thor approaching and both his hands rose instinctively, trying to protect himself. “Don’t-! I’m sorry I didn’t know-!” his voice was hysterical, completely uncharacteristic of his brother and that worried Thor beyond his newfound hatred for him.

Stopping his steps, Thor slowly crouched on one knee, looking at Loki’s face, pale and covered in sweat. “This trick is new, but I’m not falling for it, this time” he said, watching carefully to Loki’s gestures in search of any trace of his tricks.

There was no dagger in his hands nor magic seeping in his fingers. Only a trembling body and large eyes that continued to look around the room.

Looking for something that he couldn’t see. “I-i-it’s not… a-a jest…! For… the life of me…i-it’s not!” Loki tried to speak, his jaw clenching every time as if it wanted to make him stop talking.

Loki was a good faker, but _that_ was real fear in his eyes, one that Thor saw rarely during their adolescence and adulthood together.

So he twisted his lips, eyes narrowed in the decision of trusting his once loved brother for one last time, minding to keep his guard up.

Just in case.

The golden Prince softened his expression and tried to approach Loki some more, seeing him flinch against the pillar “What happened, then, brother?” he asked. “I-I…” words grouped at the end of the raven’s throat, blocking themselves from exiting.

The dread of what he was going to say made Loki’s heart sink in his ribcage, sending him into a new wave of shivers. “I… don’t know.”.

Thor knew that kind of tone in his brother’s voice: it was desperation, frustration and confusion, the same of when they were kids and he couldn’t wrap his brilliant mind around something.

Now, in adult form, that uncertainty was even worse of a feeling. “S-something… was here. There-” Loki pointed the other side of the room, where he saw the alien body, standing up and arched. “I-It was there.”.

Thor turned to watch, after a careful look to his brother for more tricks to come, but there was nothing there. “You were having a nightmare…” Thor spoke as he turned back to Loki. “And I’ve got voices you’re lamenting in your sleep quite a lot lately. Probably it was–” “I swear on mother’s life it was _THERE_!” Loki growled, now clawing at the neck of his tunic.

His disheveled hair all around his face, in a cascade of curly ink. “I-I-I’m not insane, it was there…! It was–!” repeated, panting so heavily that was the only sound in the dungeons for long, stretched seconds.

Loki’s jade eyes started to close, while an odd pang of pain shot through his chest, right under his hands. “Brother, you need to calm down. There’s no one here but you and me.” Thor tried to whisper with a tentative smile, but to no avail.

His brother was shivering hard, his hands clutched at his own clothes and his breath coming into wheezing sounds through his clenched teeth.

It was so hard to breathe, Loki noticed, it was like he had lead inside his chest; it was pressing on him harder than Mjolnir ever could do.

Something was calling for him, deep through the fabric of his seidr and each time his name chimed like a distorted bell, Loki wailed in fear.

Fear created by the inability to know what was all that, why he was hearing and seeing _things_.

The Mind Stone opened doors that should have never be opened in Loki’s head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory time~

_[Six Asgardian Years Prior]_

Frigga was tormenting her own hands, clasped in front of her as she looked at Loki.

Her precious younger son all wrapped up in chains, but always regal in his stance. His back straight as she taught him, chin up and eyes forward.

But it didn’t escape to the Allmother that Loki’s hands were trembling in his metal cuffs, balled into fists and knuckles pressing together.

The chiming of the chains was eerily expanding in the throne room even when Loki stopped walking. “Loki, son of Laufey–” “I am _that_ now, Father?” the raven interrupted Odin, a smug grin formed on his face.

Frigga inhaled deeply, hearing those words. “Please Loki, don’t worsen your already befallen state…” she cooed him with sweet voice, but Loki turned to her, face hard and eyes watering. “Define worsen, Mother.” he whispered.

Odin banged Gungnir on the ground, making its power resonate: prisoner and guards alike fell into silence and Thor watched as Loki’s façade started to slip away from his control.

Good, he thought, that will teach him some manners. “I am not your Father nor she is your Mother.” Odin continued his speech, looking down at his youngest son. “But if it wasn’t for Frigga’s benevolent wish, you would be beheaded right in this room and right in this instant.” added.

The King of Asgard didn’t like to speak to Loki like that, but he was a ruler before he was a father and with such a heavy title on his shoulders he had to be impartial… even with the little Frost Giant that now was bowing his head. “Your crimes, though, will not go unpunished: for you have disrupted peace between Realms, attacked Midgard with malevolent intents and tried to exterminate an entire race -y _our_ race- from the sacred branches of Yggdrasil.” Gugnir banged again, golden and tall and dangerous.

Loki closed his eyes, feeling the guilt starting to creep up along his spine: he knew what he was doing, but for centuries he thought it was what he was supposed to do.

Conquer and rule, that he was told to do and that he tried to achieve to earn his father’s love… since he truly never had it.

He only wanted to be looked upon like Odin did with Thor, like his friends and all of Asgard did.

Was his lineage so distasteful to be practically worthless? Was _he_ worthless despite his brilliant mind, his excellency in the art of seidr, his dexterity in both body and speech?

Tears of shame and anger grouped at the edge of his eyes, as he watched the golden flooring of the throne room. “Your sentence will be the dungeon. You will be imprisoned until you’ll prove your worth to your King or until your life will end. This is my decision and this will occur.” Odin banged Gugnir on the ground one last time and after the magical shockwave of his words, guards started to drag Loki away from their ruler.

The raven-haired God moved his eyes to watch at his mother, his guilt and shame now in clear vision inside his jade irises.

He wanted to say sorry but his pride was too hurt and too big to let those words fly to her.

Frigga understood anyway, her mother instinct on point and her sweet, sad smile stretching her lips. “I’ll bring your books, my darling.” she whispered as he passed and Loki nodded, lips tightly closed together.

Thor watched his defeated brother with the same scowl that was on Odin’s face, the color of his usually bright eyes becoming of a stormy blue: the rage of betrayal was still fresh and pounding inside his chest.

His side was already healed from Loki’s last stab, but what was hurting the most were his feelings… Loki’s words were still swimming inside his head, when he said to him he grew up in his shadow.

At first Thor rejected the thought because he always loved his little brother, his strange brother… but now, seeing what he managed to do made Thor uneasy.

Was all of this… his fault? “I know what you are thinking, my son.” Odin spoke after few seconds, when Loki’s back disappeared from the gargantuan room. “Loki’s choices are his own. When I picked him up from Jotunheim I thought he would grow up a proper Asgardian… but the monster in his blood isn’t easy to erase, I might fear.”.

The Allfather’s only eye was looking forward, his emotions hidden deep inside his mind, behind his unchanged face. “He tried to kill you, your friends, a whole Realm and sided with abhorrent creatures. He’s not your brother. Maybe he never was.” with that last words, Odin moved his hand and placed it against Thor’s back.

It was a paternal display, something the Allfather was doing very rarely, in the most recent years. “Go, travel in search of adventures or bathe yourself in mead with your companions. Don’t waste your heart on Loki’s actions.” Odin spoke softly, pressing his palm against the small of Thor’s back, as if he was pushing the son to walk away from the throne room.

The golden Prince nodded, bowed goodbye to his father and went straight to the training ground: he had so much anger and doubt to vent and smashing a random weapon against a wooden dummy would suffice… he couldn’t risk to let his own bloodlust take over and make him beat his brother into a bloody pulp, afterall.

Thor hated Loki for what he had done, for what he became… but imagining him dead was maybe a little too much, for him, to handle.

 

_[Four Asgardian Years Prior]_

In the initial two years of imprisonment, Loki maintained a cold façade, scowling at the hurting words of the guards and ignoring the rare visits of his brother.

He still thought it was his right to rule over _something_ , to be able to be seen as the god he was.

But the only person that saw the real Loki was Frigga.

During the first year, for security reasons, she was barred from seeing her child, but as time passed, guards let her visit him more and more frequently.

She brought Loki his favorite tea, books from his room, a change of clothing and even some sweets from time to time. “Darling, you should speak with your brother.” Frigga said, one evening, as Loki was laying with his head on her lap.

The Allmother’s slender fingers were caressing Loki’s soft, inky locks as she was speaking, looking at his pale and crestfallen face. “Speaking with that oaf is a waste of words, Mother… Thor visits just to jest with me.” Loki replied slowly, eyes following the glowy walls.

The golden color of the sealing magic colored the furniture all around in little speckles of light. “Oh darling, it’s not true.” she spoke with a warm tone in her already velvety voice. “Thor really loves you, he’s just confused by your actions… you know how’s Thor.” Frigga chuckled and Loki did the same, but without happiness.

He knew how was Thor, alright.

His golden brother never was a man of thought but one of action and if he didn’t understood, he just crushed everything down until something miraculously clicked inside his head. “And I was, too… Loki, why did you do it? I’m speaking about Midgard, my sweet child.” she asked softly, never stopping carding her son’s dark tresses.

That question, again.

At every visit, his mother asked him why he attacked Midgard, why he sided with the Chitauri… and every time, Loki tried to change topic or ignoring it at all.

For one year and a half Frigga asked, putting each time a dent in Loki’s inner barriers… but that day, there was a strange heaviness in Loki’s mind that made him yield.

It was like getting a common flu, only that it was his brain stuffed, not his nose.

Loki rolled on his side, hiding his face against his mother’s abdomen and for few seconds he gathered the right words to say to her, to craft a reply from the distant chaos he was starting to live in. “I-I… didn’t want to… at first, at least.” he whispered with closed eyes.

The raven’s hands rose to grab at Frigga’s dress and the woman leaned down, in silence, lending ear to what he had to say. “I… I’m sorry, I wasn’t… strong enough.” Loki peeped, as he started to recount what happened after he fell, after he saw Odin look at him with displeasure, almost… pity. 

> _His first memory after passing through the crushing wormhole was a ringing in his ears._  
>  _He was slightly remembering Thor shouting his name with grief, but that was all._  
>  _Loki’s mind was swimming into nothingness, like his body was doing: he accepted his Fate, waiting for Death to pick him like a flower from a meadow._  
>  _His skin turning of his original cerulean color, trying desperately to fight the coldness of Outer Space._  
>  _As he tiptoed on the brink of death, Loki felt the hard grip of metal around the waist._  
>  _Then, with his mind fluttering in and out of consciousness, Loki noticed dark shapes and forms, long hallways and purple lighting all over._  
>  _The Allspeak couldn’t help him with the gurgling sound that those alien made. “L-Let… me go…!” he tried to groan as moltitude of fingers gripped around his arms, crushing his muscles and leaving black prints on his azure skin._  
>  _They half hoisted, half dragged him around, pushing and pulling to his limbs so harshly the Jotun though he was going to tear in a multitude of pieces._  
>  _Loki’s limp body fell then, back first, onto a rough pavement of what seemed a cell, made of scrap metal._  
>  _Other barely live creatures were there, other poor souls drifted in that place forgotten by the entire Universe._  
>  _Lizard-like Chitauri came to grab them, dragging their screaming forms to places they never came from._  
>  _Loki never spoke with anyone, clutching at his knees while he tried to maintain his usual calmness… uselessly._

“They always, always looked at me while taking them away.” Loki huffed, shivers starting to crawl up his spine.

The Allmother stopped the movements of her fingers in Loki’s hair, turned into stone by the dark story of her dearest child. “It was like… they knew who I was, even in my Jotun form…” the raven stopped on his tracks when a guard came, saluting the Queen.

Frigga moved her sea-colored eyes from Loki and watched the guard, smiling with a little nod. “My Queen, visit hour came to an end. May I escort you to your room?” the man spoke.  
Loki gulped down at his closed throat, inhaling deeply.

Not now, not when he was starting to feel relief about opening up…! “I’ll rest here some more, I’ll go back to my room in a while. Thank you.” Frigga replied kindly to the guard, but with a subtle coldness into her words.

The soldier seemed irritated, but he only bowed his head and walked away, towards his assigned place near the door. “Loki, my dear… I’m afraid I don’t have much time left… we should postpone this talk–” “N-no! No…please…” Loki hugged his mother’s sides, almost climbing her body. “I’ll… I’ll be quick… I promise…”.

Frigga sighed slowly, passing her palm from Loki’s nape to his back and back up again. “Your father will worry if I’ll be late.” she whispered, curling until she managed to place a soft kiss on top of her son’s head.

Loki let out a growly laugh, while tears grouped at the edge of his eyes. “He’s not my father…!” he choked out, clawing at the Queen’s light dress, inhaling her flowery scent.

The Allmother chuckled, while speaking back to him: “And am I not your mother?”.

Loki remained silent for a couple of seconds before feeling his chest swell. “No… you’re not…” mumbled back, the lie blatant in the face of the now smiling Frigga. “You could palter to all Yggdrasil, my darling, even to yourself… But I see right through you.” she spoke softly.

Loki wanted to speak, he wanted to let out the deep weight that appeared inside his chest, but Frigga’s hands motioned to delicately push him off her legs, to make him stand upright. “I’ll be back tomorrow, my dear. Do not play with those poor guards’ mind again, mh?” she smiled to him, letting her legs taking all of her elegant stature.

Loki did the same, jumping on his feet and grabbing both his mother’s hands into his, forcing her to stay there in front of him. “Please, Mother, please… I-I need it… I need–” jade eyes were thick with held tears when the same guard came to call for the Queen again.

The raven untangled his palms from his mother’s as if they stung him and crossed arms on his chest, turning to hide his distraught expression.

He already felt weak in front of the Allmother, he didn’t want to show it to a lowly soldier. “Loki.” she called him, a hand now on his shoulder. “I’ll return and we’ll speak more… I swear to you, my dear.” and with that, the Queen gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked away, leaving Loki alone with himself and the horrid memories that started to resurface.

 

_[Three Asgardian Years Prior]_

Frigga didn’t keep her promise.

It took another year for Loki to see her again and when she did, the guards made her stop outside the glowing barrier, a stool to sit on and nothing else.

Loki was on his feet, legs parted and hands behind his back. “Tomorrow surely took a while to come, Mother.” he spoke to her harshly, poison in his words.

Frigga nodded as she sat, her hands nervously picking at each other while she smiled. “I’m sorry darling… your father thought you were trying something, holding me here longer and longer each visit…” “Of course, I’m a criminal that only strive for killing, even if it’s his own mother–” “I’m saying that now I changed his mind and I can stay a little longer, outside the cell… Where were we at, last time?” she changed topic quickly, her smile now warmer.

Loki narrowed his eyes, trying to decide the course of his next words, but he only sighed and walked closer to the barrier, minding to not touch it.

Sitting down he seemed more tired than their last visit, Frigga noticed, with slight shadows under his eyes.

She moved the stool closer, so they were only half an arm away from each other, divided only by golden light.

> _Finally, after what felt like weeks on end, one Chitauri came for Loki with two bigger ones that Loki labeled ‘soldier material’._   
>  _It was paler, with six fingers per hand and there was a dirty, sharp smile on his half-hidden face._   
>  _He ordered for him to be brought into another room and there, Loki started to feel pure, concentrated dread. “Now, now… there’s no need to fear.” the voice of the masked Chitauri was speaking in the ancient language of Dark Elves, but Loki could understand some of it._   
>  _The Other, as the mysterious stranger proclaimed himself, circled around him, while heavy chains trapped his arms and legs. “We saved you… you should be thankful.” he added, stopping in front of Loki. “Give us your strength and you’ll live under the benevolent protection of Thanos… Seek purification, seek perfection.” The Other spoke with gloriousness, opening his arms._   
>  _Loki gave out a snarky chuckle, showing his teeth. “Your Master should seek to bed his own mother.” he replied, stone cold._   
>  _Suddenly, some kind of contraption was tightened around his neck, with two half spheres pressing at the sides of his neck. Loki felt his head pound violently as his lungs barely managed to inflate at all. “Your words are hard, now, but how long you will stand before begging for forgiveness?” the Other hissed, clearly angered by Loki’s words._   
>  _With his carotid arteries pressed like that, Loki felt dizzy, his mouth slack open and stars dancing in front of his eyes, but as soon as his head tilted back a sharp sting of pain traversed his body._   
>  _Electrocuted, he jolted up again, strangled shouts and insults._

Loki inhaled again, as if the memory choked him with the same powerful hold of that contraption. “I never wanted to bow to them, Mother, I swear to you.” the raven started to torture his own hands, in his lap. “But they used that Stone -the Mind Stone- to… shape my mind.” Loki then rose his face to look up at the woman’s face.

Frigga noticed how distraught her son was and it scared her.

Her usually proud son never looked at her in that way. “It has an _influence_. Like the moon with the tide, it… it rises everything dark from within you…” Loki continued to speak, turning his head towards the inside of the cell. “I felt invincible when it was near me, as if it bonded with my seidr, but… from time to time, when my mind was clearer, I recognized I was not fully myself.” the young God sighed.

His eyes looking into the distance, so far away Frigga feared she would lose him. “I was never permitted sleep nor food, so my body grew tired… and my head was in a constant haze, barely there at all.” Loki spoke softly, rising a hand to caress his throat.

He remembered how much he tried to not feel pain, auto-sedating himself with his sedir, but the collar the Chitauri placed on him made difficult even to remember how to speak.

Loki the silver-tongued God of Mischief, reduced to a trembling, drooling mess…

Shame gripped at his stomach.

The raven-haired never noticed Thor’s figure appear from the other side of the hallway, walking behind his back and around the corner of the solitary cell. “I was so desperate… At one point–” he snapped a chuckle “At one point I just desired to _die_. To be free of torture and pain. Of course _they_ kept an eye on me, banning me from the freedom of death with primitive ways of healing.” Loki’s voice broke for a moment.

His face fell and tears came back to add a strange shine in his fixed eyes. “Until one night… the Norns had pity on me. I managed to break off a piece of metal off the wall of that damned cell…”.

> _His fingers trembled as he held that makeshift blade up as much as he could._   
>  _His body never totally obeyed to him since the Chitauri placed the neck brace, but Loki gritted his teeth and pulled more and more, his left hand rising more than the right._   
>  _The sharp point of the metal scraped at his collarbone, right under the collar._   
>  _He was crying strained sobs: just a couple of inches inside his skin and he would blissfully bleed to death._   
>  _“ **Don’t, they’re not worthy of it.** ” the Stone whispered with Thor’s voice._   
>  _The Mind Stone was shining in its golden light, barely outside the cage and just out of the raven’s reach._   
>  _The Chitauri noticed Loki’s seidr was resonating with the Stone and so they used it to suck his magic dry, another way to torture the Jotun and break his spirit._   
>  _Loki sobbed harder, hearing that caring tone, those hushed words that carved his heart raw. “I can’t… hold anymore… It hurts… everywhere.” Loki mumbled in his tears, words sliding sloppily on his tongue._   
>  _“ **Remember what I told you to do, when someone hurt you?** ” Thor’s mimicked voice came from the Stone again and for a moment Loki thought he was just hallucinating._   
>  _It was all in his head, madness finally closed his final claws around his once brilliant mind. “I can’t… I-I can’t… run to you… You hate me…” Loki tried to sink the makeshift blade in his neck, feeling tiny droplets of blood running down the metal and onto his fingers._   
>  _The Stone shone brighter for an instant, lighting the entire cell. “ **Bring them to me. I’ll slay them for you–** ”_

Suddenly Loki’s words stopped to flow: streams of tears were flowing down his face and his lips were so tight against his teeth it hurt.

Silence fell between the two, leaving only the buzzing magic of the barrier to fill the void, and before Frigga could speak to her son words of tenderness, another voice came.

It made Loki flinch and tighten the grasp on his own hands, standing up to give Frigga and Thor his back. “Mother.” the blond prince called, a little smile directed at the woman. “Father requests your presence… he said it is quite important.” added.

Immediately, Loki barked an angry laugh, walking towards the table inside the cell. “Of course, Mother. How dare you indulge yourself in such unimportant thing like your own son?” the raven spoke harshly, but Frigga only smiled sadly at the display of hurt.

She knew her children and while Thor wore his heart on his sleeve for everyone to see, Loki kept it hidden, especially if such emotions could be misplaced as weaknesses. “I did not say you’re not important, brother, but this might be Asgard matter.” Thor answered, walking towards the barrier.

Loki inched away some more, back straight and arms crossed on his chest. “As I said: unimportant, since I’m NOT Asgardian, right??” “Hush now my children…! Loki, darling, I’ll be back as soon as possible. I’m still the Queen and these boring affairs are my duty too, you know it.” Frigga softened Loki’s stance with a single sentence and the raven seemed defeated.

With one last kiss on her elder child’s cheekbone, she left Thor alone with Loki. “Is it true?” the blond Prince asked, confused.

Sorrowful.

Loki didn’t move, but his voice came with the same bite as before, maybe a tad softer. “What?” he spoke.

Thor walked up to the stool where their mother sat and overpassed it, walking up the couple of steps that rose the cell off the ground. “You tried to slay yourself, Loki?”.

How much he hated that voice while imbued with sadness.

It irked Loki’s very soul, for his brother was made of laughter and merry, or booming anger and nobleness.

He wasn’t made for such murky emotions like sadness or sorrow. “You could not understand the pain I went through, _brother_.” the raven slithered those words in the air, without even moving. “You _should_ not know, ever…” with that, Loki moved again.

With a flick of his fingers the entire cell fell prey of his illusion: nothing changed but Loki’s body.

While the illusion remained stoic and on his feet, the real Loki fell against the white wall, closing his eyes to let tears flow freely for a moment.

His eyes burned so much, but Loki just wanted to feel relief, the same that he desperately searched for in the Chitauri cell. “They forced you to pledge your alliance to them?” Thor asked more, inching even closer to the golden barrier.

Loki snickered darkly. “You fool, who ever said I pledged my alliance to them? They were always watching, always… I just needed a looser leash and a big enough distraction… you and your cherished little planet were big enough…”.

> _“Whenever someone hurt you, come to me. I will always defend you brother, this I swear to you.”_

“Why didn’t you told us?? Father would’ve understand, he would show pity–” “I DO NOT NEED PITY!” Loki roared, both illusion and real clenching hands into fists. “I do not need HIS pity, Thor… As I do not need yours. Go away.”.

With that, Loki stopped altogether to reply to Thor’s plead to speak with Odin, to make him know that he wasn’t in his right mind when he attacked Midgard.

Loki was already busy forcing the illusion of a better himself in the cell, he didn’t need to let words betray his desperate state.


End file.
